The March Final Thursday Reading Series featured reader is Kristi Hemmer. A UNI alum, Hemmer is the author of Quit Being So Good: Stories of an Unapologetic Woman (Wise Ink Creative Publishing) and the founder of the Academy for Women’s Empowerment. She is a social entrepreneur, and educator, and a world traveler. Hemmer’s visit is co-sponsored by the UNI Women’s and Gender Studies Program as part of Women’s History Month.
The Final Thursday Reading Series takes place at the Hearst Center for the Arts in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There will be an open mic at 7:00 p.m. (bring your best five minutes of original creative writing). Kristi Hemmer takes the stage at 7:30. The featured reading will also be simulcast on Zoom. Click HERE to register for a link.
Interview by Allyson Rafanello.
ALLISON RAFANELLO: You share in Quit Being So Good that you started off as a teacher. How did your role in education influence the work you do today?
KRISTI HEMMER: Once a teacher, always a teacher. I don’t call it teaching when I stand on stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people, because unfortunately not everyone had a good experience in school. But it’s what I do best—teach! From the PoWercourse I created to the keynote talks I give to the way I connect with people around the world—that comes from my time as an educator.
Also, being in education for 20 years as a teacher, counselor, principal, coach, faculty development specialist, and substitute teacher gave me an understanding of the SYSTEM of education. And it gave me a lot of tools to be a social entrepreneur and start AWE INC (Academy for Women’s Empowerment).
KH: UNI is an integral experience in my being. My education in education influenced how I taught for 20 years, and how I train/influence now as a social entrepreneur-11 years. Some of my favorite takeaways from UNI that I use today are…
1. I learned in my diversity class in 1991 that the word “sorry” means “I feel badly” to women and “I take blame” for men. I tested it out at The Stein that night, and it was true. It has shifted a little bit now, but not much. Language is powerful. I teach this and live by not saying “sorry” (except in great loss). Don’t get me wrong—I apologize. I just don’t use the word “sorry.”
2. Learning in Dr. May’s class that you can’t control a 3-year-old—only the environment. It’s true for a teenager or a fifty year old. I find this wisdom SO powerful not only for me, but for those I work with/influence.
3. UNI is the first place I didn’t have to show up as the “Smart, Nice” girl, because not everyone knew me. I’m so grateful my roomie was from a very small town in southeast Iowa. It gave me a chance to be me—she didn’t know any different. I loved the freedom to be me. Unapologetically. Don’t get me wrong, I was still on the Dean’s list every semester and ODK and KPD and on and on and on, but I also had so much fun meeting others and learning about myself. As I say in my book, I’m SO much more than a “smart, nice girl.” In addition, that’s what society wanted and benefitted from me—not how I wanted to be defined or remembered.
4. UNI gave me the opportunity to practice leadership. I headed the first Challenge of Teaching Conference. I was President of the NAEYC. I played a season on the Tennis Team (I didn’t make the top six but was on standby). I was Secretary of Kappa Delta Pi. I was a Desk Assistant. I taught tennis lessons for City Rec in Cedar Falls and the Wellness Program at UNI. It also gave me a safe space to start challenging authority and the limiting beliefs that I had and others had about me as a single woman in education. It also was a place that people saw my possible. Growing up, I was often encouraged to stay small—to shrink. My teachers/professors are the ones who saw my potential and showed me how to use it to get to something bigger than I knew about. I make sure I do the same now—wherever I go.
PS. In my book, chapter two takes place at The Stein and the friends I reference—we’re still friends today.
AR: In your travels to 75 countries and counting, what has been most surprising to you in terms of encouraging women to take up space?
KH: What surprises me the most is that once I say something, women share SO many stories. And once I show them how to take up more space, they do it for themselves and others! I call it #BeWhatSheCanSee. It’s powerful!
Also, I get very frustrated and mad with how things are going for women in the USA right now. And then, I’m reminded by my friend from Indonesia who told me just this morning, “You know if you’re Indonesian and working in America, it’s like a dream of every citizen here.” After living in Indonesia for two years and returning every year since 2003 (except for COVID years), he’s right. I don’t worry about clean water. I do have the possibility of divorce. I do have the ability to raise my children without a man in my life (if I had children). And so much more.
This doesn’t mean I will be blind to what’s going on in the world (I read Anne Frank). It’s just that I will pay attention AND use my power as an American to make the world better for everybody.
KH: Hmmm. This is a hard one. My belief is that when one uses the word “try,” it means “I think it’s a good idea, but I’m not going to do it (fully).” I’m not saying try harder—because try is still in there. I’d say choose one and do one thing every day to:
1. Take up space. Speaking up, standing taller/bigger, sitting at a table you usually don’t, raising your hard first, apply for a job, so so so many ways.
2. Be first. The first time you did… Or the first time a woman did…. Or be the first follower. The first one to show support of a group, individual, or idea.
3. Look for the Helpers. If you’re struggling to do #1 or #2—look for the Helpers. Ask for help. Or, if that feels too scary, hangout with people who are Helpers or Changemakers. Once I figure out that someone is not a Helper/Changemaker or doesn’t want to, I don’t spend time with them (or limit my time).
AR: What advice would you give students today at UNI?
KH: 1. Do things alone. Especially travel. For me, experiencing things alone gives you an opportunity to see yourself deeply, see others (the same and different), and trust in both.
2. Connect with others—intentionally. If you do #1, you surely will do this naturally. For example, I’m in Aruba right now. When I first came here in 2021, I knew nobody. I searched for Social Entrepreneurs in Aruba. Anika’s name popped up. I messaged her on LinkedIn, we met up, she introduced me to Charisse, who introduced me to Deborah, and I did a presentation at the University of Aruba. I’m still friends with them today. And have expanded from there. It’s a fun game of Connect the Dots!
3. Take up space (and share space that you have). Be first (and be a first follower of others doing good work). Look for the helpers (and be a helper)! :)
